CNN Reports Peaceful Night In L.A. As Majority Of Cars Not On Fire

U.S. — CNN reported another peaceful night in Los Angeles, as the overwhelming majority of cars in the city were not currently on fire.

Additionally, the network reported that most police officers had not had bricks thrown at them, most federal agents had not been shot at, and most of the stores in the city had not been looted.

“It’s another quiet night in L.A.,” reported anchor Wolf Blitzer. “As you can see, the majority of cars in the city are not burning to ashes, and most people have not been assaulted or murdered. Only a very small percentage of buildings have been broken into and had everything stolen by armed mobs. President Trump’s characterization of the unrest and violence in L.A. is way overblown.”

CNN reporters then traveled to a suburb of L.A. where no violence was reported, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that the city was under control. “We interviewed two random guys on the street in this wealthy neighborhood, and neither of them have seen any cars on fire,” said journalist Daisy Raleigh. “Clearly, the Trump administration is lying about what is really happening on the ground in L.A.”

At publishing time, the National Guard had stated that all was indeed peaceful as most CNN journalists had not been shot with non-lethal rounds.