Dem0crat Senator Assaults Officers In Violent Insurrection

Democrat Senator Assaults Officers In Violent Insurrection

LOS ANGELES, CA — Democracy itself came under attack once again today, as a Democrat senator was arrested after assaulting law enforcement officers in what appeared to be an attempted violent insurrection.

The scary moment happened during a press conference featuring Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, as Senator Alex Padilla staged what witnesses described as “a violent attack on Democracy” by physically accosting multiple police officers while trying to get to Noem.

“This is the worst day since the worst day since 9/11,” one shocked onlooker said. “It was just like the last attempted insurrection — he wasn’t armed, and he just walked right in the open door. He obviously wanted to overthrow the government, and he was ready to go through as many officers as necessary to do it. Democracy dodged another bullet today.”

Secretary Noem was shaken up but resolute following the attack. “Both I and the United States escaped alive — but only barely,” she told reporters. “It was a clearly targeted assault in which this Democrat, who considered himself above the law, sought to destroy freedom. Thankfully, his attempt to destroy America was thwarted. We were lucky this time. The only way it could have been even more dangerous and terrifying would be if he were wearing a red baseball cap. We can only hope that our nation will never see another day like this.”

At publishing time, authorities said investigators were still looking into reports that Senator Padilla was originally wearing a buffalo hat when he stormed into the press conference.